Last night, I went out with Kris and Ian. It was a weird but interesting drinking session. This is the first time I hanged out with Ian, although not the first time I met her. She's the "best man" in Kris and Harv's wedding. I talked about her a little bit when I blogged about the wedding. Duday is Ian’s screen name in ABS-CBN where she has a couple of acting stints as either a chimay or a contrabida in telenovelas. Cool job diba? She's also a trainer and currently Kris' officemate.
Anyway, she's such a character. She has loads of stories to tell, about showbiz, people in showbiz, about work as a trainer, about her past love, and current life as a mom and wife. Oh, and here's the clincher. To top it off, she also told stories about her as a fortune teller / psychic. Apparently, she can read auras, energies, and whatnots. It's stronger when she's drunk. (Isaac Mendez, less the painting, i-statue?)
Now my logical brain doesn't believe her. (I told her that, and she says that she understands and almost nobody ever believes her at first anyway, including Kris). But that when she sees pictures in her head sooner or later it comes true. As an example, she predicted Kris and Harv breaking up, getting back together, getting married and having 2 boys. Now the two boys are hard to "predict", right? And if that happens, maybe I could believe that she does have a gift.
But just to humor her, and myself, I let her read my energy. (I'm blogging about this, para if it comes true, I will remember hehehe). Here's what she told me:
“You are not yet living your true self. You are living upto other people's expectations. You tend to contradict yourself because you over-analyze. In fact, you are contradicting yourself right now. You already know your truth when you were a child, but a "maternal figure" told you that you are to make other people happy. This belief stuck, and as a result you tend to live for others and not yourself. You don't show the real you because that contradicts with what others expect of you or see in you.”
At this point, I told her, I don’t know half of what she’s telling me. I don’t understand how to uncover my calling, and the real me. In fairness to her, I also told her, I can also believe that, but I don’t know what to do about it.
So she goes on to tell me that it’s because I analyze. I come from my head all the time. That’s why I’m always confused. (That makes sense).
I proceeded to ask her about my work. She said:
“Your work right now is not your calling; it's just something that gets you by. Your calling has something to do with traveling and making a difference. It has nothing to do with what you are doing right now. When you realize what that is, people will contradict you, and say that it’s not going to work. This will cause conflict because you have a tendency to do what people tell you. But eventually you will do that thing that is your calling and you will succeed in it. It’s a noble calling.
(Sounds like a missionary job).
It’s not a missionary job, and it doesn’t seem to be teaching either. But it’s noble.
(So it’s outside Pinas? When do I leave Pinas?)
You will leave permanently by end of 2008. This will come after an epiphany. You will leave when it becomes your decision to leave and not someone else. You are doing it for you. Otherwise, something will always come up.”
She proceeded to hold my hand. And told me about a picture in her head.
“You’re inside a restaurant with a group of people. It’s a small restaurant, and there’s tuna pasta. You’re wearing a ponytail, and you’ve got long hair that’s dry. There’s a guy with blue eyes, wearing a blue shirt and with a crew cut hairstyle. This guy likes you. And you know it. There are also some other blonde people inside the restaurant/table with you.
You’re sharing a polaroid picture with the people around you. In the picture is you wearing some sort of a headrest. The headrest is yellow, red and white with beads. You’re also wearing a bracelet. You look very happy in the picture, as if you have just accomplished something important. There is a black bald kid next to you. You look your happiest in this polaroid.”
At this point it started getting eerie. Maybe because Ian looked so intent. She didn’t seem as if she was pulling my leg. And maybe because it was such a distinct picture that she was telling me.
“I seem to be getting a Romanoff or Romanio in my head. Also Anastasia.”
(Movie? Vodka? Russia?)
We ended up with that. We were to call it a night, till next time.
=====================
My verdict? Well, maybe some part of this is true. Maybe I am bound to travel, search for my calling outside. Meet a guy who is into me, with blue eyes and a crew cut hairstyle. If that’s the case, I look forward to it. Who knows, the polaroid is true, and I’m happiest once I’ve lived it.
But in the meantime, I’ll choose to live in the now. My work may be a question mark, my love life non existent, and my purpose yet to be discovered. I’ll take the “live for myself” to heart though, because that I can control, although not understand yet. I intend to spend a few minutes of silence to meditate about it. And let’s see what comes up for me.
